List
Print This Post Print This Post

Vulnerability is a luxury. The world may attack you, take advantage of you.

You should measure the love of people by the degree of vulnerability you can exhibit to them without backfiring.

Having the ability to show your vulnerably to others is the strongest source of trust between people. If you have to pretend that you have all the answers, that you are always strong and leading, that you don’t have any doubts, all of that as a way to survive, then soon you’ll be depleted of your own humanity. But you’ll look pretty good in the alpha male and female scale.

People who look and sound invulnerable scare me a bit. Maybe they have been hurt before and have learnt to defend themselves by  showing that the doors of the castle are shut, that towers are tall and in good order, and the cannons always ready.

In the ongoing UK general election campaign, the conservative candidate Mrs May has based the entire brand on a ‘strong and stable’ pair of qualities. That is supposed to appeal to many people who in times of tsunamis ( such as the self inflicted Brexit) will look at that kind of leadership. And it may well work for her. Politics do not leave much room for self-doubt. But in the other sides of social life, strength also comes from acknowledging that one does not have all the answers. At some magic point, vulnerability is transformed into strength and trust, all in one, for the same price. Magic.

We don’t really know well how all those human emotions interact and transform themselves. But there is a constant transformation going on. The maths of trust for example don’t follow normal laws. It takes often a lot of time to build it and a second to destroy. However, some people seem to put unconditional trust on somebody at a first glance or for reasons that anybody else would see as irrational and weak. Weird, irrational and non linear. A definition of life?

Both cases are very human. Don’t worry, you’ll find a theory to explain all these. If you give me a logic or some sort (or lack of) and an afternoon, I will either find for you or construct a good theory. Or, do you have one already?

Perhaps a measure of our own humanity is the number of psychological safe spaces that we create around us. Spaces where people can express that vulnerability and not being  punished with an entry in the weak list of a black book. If all we see around us is a moat full of water around our castle, perhaps with a little narrow bridge, then it says something about us more than about others.

The education system is often, rightly in my view, focused on creating confidence in young people. I welcome that. When progressing towards adults though, we should equip them not only with more of that confidence, but also the ability to inject confidence in others. A good ‘role model in confidence’ is particular strong when that person shows both confidence and the ability to say (a) actually I don’t know  and/or (b) I also have had similar doubts.

The strongest confident people I have met have always been the least arrogant and the ones in whom you could at least see a glimpse of vulnerability exhibited with no fear

 

PS. There will be a pause in the Daily Thoughts until next week. Taking advantage of the forthcoming UK public holiday, my smart team are changing servers and IT highways and all sorts of techy things that clever people do when the world is supposed to have a longer siesta.

Keep up with the Daily Thoughts

Twitter Email

Would you like to comment?

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

To search my website, please use the form below.

  Daily Thoughts

August 23rd, 2023

Can We Rescue DEI From Its Trap (The Label)?

Most of the problems and challenges in organizations, together with most of the solutions, are behavioural in nature. It’s about […]

August 10th, 2023

Restructuring to force collaboration, is likely to create more anxiety than collaboration. Structural solutions for behavioural problems hardly work.

Sometimes restructuring is done with the intention of solving a collaboration problem. ´A people´ don’t talk to ´B people´; if […]

July 18th, 2023

The ‘Impossible To Disagree With’ School Of Management

‘Good leaders have empathy, respect employees and set the example. If you want to change things, you need to have […]

June 29th, 2023

Large scale change is not small scale change repeated many times. Small wins repeated are lots of small wins.

Large scale change, as a series of cascading small scale interventions (often under the philosophy of ‘small wins’) has dominated […]

June 6th, 2023

Culture change is not long and difficult. But we make it so…

I suppose the question is how long is long and how difficult is difficult? In general, business and organizational consulting have […]

May 19th, 2023

Value is an overused term in business and, as such, it’s becoming meaningless

Value, as usually used, means transactional monetary value. Usually it doesn’t mean intrinsic value, or value per se. For example, […]

May 4th, 2023

The importance of ‘critical thinking.’ Your own critical thinking is more effective at making your workplace better than any generic employee survey.

Build your own Employee Engagement argument for free. You can’t go wrong. Here are three baskets full of concepts: Basket […]

April 21st, 2023

´Busy-Ness’ Is A Trap

I went to a big conference where I was introduced by the chairman like this: “Welcome everybody. Lovely to have […]

April 14th, 2023

Training and culture change. The love affair that ends in tears.

It seems to be very hard for people to get away from the idea that if we just put individuals […]

April 11th, 2023

Teamocracies and Networkracies have different citizens: in-Habitants in team-work, riders in net-work

The old view of the organization is something close to the old concept of a medieval city, where citizenship was […]

April 5th, 2023

3 Ways To Get Approval From Your CEO Or Your Leadership Team

Way number 1: My team has developed these three options, A, B and C. Which one do you want us […]

March 29th, 2023

A Cheat Sheet To Create A Social Movement Tip = to shape organizational culture since both are the same.

Mobilizing people. This is another of the Holy Grails (how many have I said we have?) in management. Whether you […]

March 16th, 2023

Critical Thinking Self-Test: A 10 Point Health Check For Your Organization And Yourself. If any of these are a good picture of your organization, you need to put ‘critical thinking’ in the water supply.

Test yourself, and your organization. Do any of these apply? Doing lots, too fast without thinking. High adrenaline, not sure […]

March 9th, 2023

A culture of safety or a culture of training in safety?

Cultures are created by behaviours becoming the norm. Safety is at the core of many industries. Significant budgets are allocated […]

March 2nd, 2023

Empowerment is an output. If you can visualize it, you can craft it.

The real question is, what do you want to see happening so that you can say ‘people are empowered’? Employee […]

February 24th, 2023

A simple question will jumpstart your organization into change. It will also save you from months of pain spent reorganizing your people and teams.

The following line will short-cut months of (building) ‘alignment’, integration, reorganization, team building, coalition building, and any situation in which Peter, […]

February 20th, 2023

Lead Via Peer-To-Peer Networks – If you don’t lead via peer-to-peer networks, you’re only driving your car in first gear.

Peer-to-peer work, transversal, spontaneous or not, collaboration, peer-to-peer influence, peer-to-peer activities of Viral Change™ champions or activists, all of this is the […]

February 7th, 2023

Write a script, not a strategic plan

If you care about the journey and the place, you need a story. If you have a good, compelling one, […]

January 26th, 2023

3 self-sabotaging mechanisms in organizations

Organizations, like organisms, have embedded mechanisms of survival, of growth and also of self-sabotage. These are 3 self-sabotage systems to […]

January 10th, 2023

Who should be involved in culture change? All inclusive versus going where the energy is.

Many times, in my consulting work, I find myself facing a dilemma: Do I involve many people on the client’s […]

December 23rd, 2022

Tell what won’t change – Introducing 1 of my 40 rules of change

In any change programme that any organization wants to start, they will start by thinking of the things that they […]

December 16th, 2022

Scale It – Introducing 1 of my 40 rules of change

When creating effective change in any organization, there are 40 rules that, in my experience, are the key between success […]

December 5th, 2022

Assets & Strengths Base – Introducing 1 of my 40 rules of change

For more than 30 years I have been involved in ‘change’ in organizations. Again and again, some fundamental principles, and often […]

November 25th, 2022

Campaign It… is 1 of my 40 rules of change

When you filter out the noise, when you try to extract the core, the fundamentals, those ‘universal rules’ of change […]

October 31st, 2022

Hybrid or not hybrid? That’s not the question…

Culture is the new workplace If you want to have a conversation about the future of work, the nature of […]

October 24th, 2022

‘Powered by Viral Change™’: A Social Transformation Platform for the organization of the 21st Century

When we started to work on Viral Change™, as a way to create large scale behavioural and cultural change, and […]

October 14th, 2022

Corporate tribes, intellectual ghettos and open window policies

We talk a lot about silos in organizations usually in the context of Business Units or divisions. But these are not […]

October 7th, 2022

Peer Networks are the strongest force of action inside the organization

Peer-to-peer works, transversal, spontaneous or not, collaboration, peer-to-peer influence, peer-to-peer activities of Viral Change™ champions or activists, all of this is […]

September 30th, 2022

Change that doesn’t deliver change-ability is a waste

The traditional model of change is the one I call ‘destination’ type, that is, how to go from A to […]

September 23rd, 2022

Company structures: aggregate and disaggregate

New organizations, and old ones in the business of transforming themselves, would be better off learning by heart these two […]